Book Review:

Episode Transcriptions Unedited, AI Auto-Generated.

Speaker 1: 00:14 Opening Music

Speaker 2: 00:15 Welcome to the social chameleon show or it's our good hope you learn, grow and transforming to bridge, going to become today's book review time. We're doing radical acceptance by Tara Brock embracing your life with the heart. Oba Buddha. It's not really religious, but I mean that's the framework she uses and comes from, well, she lives in, it is kind of spiritual in my opinion. It is. But even though it countries Buddha thing, I don't feel like it's a religious thing. It's just not pushing it. It's just the what yeah, she uses the framework or whatever, but I really, I really enjoyed his book. This came as a recommendation from Tim Ferris. He's really he really likes her and, and her work. I guess one of the most popular things she does is loving kindness meditation. So that is a lot of things. You'll hear people reference kind of her or that or whatever.

Speaker 2: 01:06 I'll link to that for you guys. Some things that she has out there for that, but I think she's, I'm sorry. She is is a leading western teacher of Buddhist Meditation, emotional healing. And spiritual awakenings just practiced and taught meditation for 35 years with the emphasis on Vipassana Meditation. And that's really the, like I said, the world she kind of lives in. She talks about her, our early experiences in that. And it's funny, the one thing that stuck out to me in that was when she was living in that, in that lifestyle, in that thing, and she was kind of over it and then the, the guide their the person, they're the head guy, there was a high beat it and don't ever come back. And I'll say thought that was really strange. Like yeah, I think you're supposed to be like this enlightened person.

Speaker 2: 01:49 It's like, fine, but you want to be part of our, our little, our little thing, go, go away. I was like, wow, that's interesting. I mean I guess it just kind of shows that we're all human, right? I mean [inaudible] you know, whoever is on that path. I don't really know much about Buddhism, but I mean, if you're on your path to, it might've been like, you know, we are flawed as humans and I guess that's kind of a good thing that goes with this book too. I mean, even as she's talking in her book, she'll admit she's messing up and doing all that kind of stuff. So it's nice to hear. It's nice to hear that that perspective, like like we were talking offline earlier, you know, somebody said that to me and I was like, you know, you do it and talk about these things of why aren't you eating?

Speaker 2: 02:26 And I was like, I'm not perfect. Like I get caught sometimes, like I'm not like I'm old habits or whatever. Things come up or whatever. Things bothered me. Like, you know, and I, I want to let everybody know and it kind of maybe emphasize that a little bit more. Like that's part of life. Like let's like don't get down to yourself, adult, look down on somebody else or whatever. You know what I mean? Like we all make mistakes as long as you're trying and you're moving in the right direction. I think that's, that's the, the goal of the plan. It's about the journey. It's about going through it, not necessarily about the destination. Yeah, no. I, I don't, I don't

Speaker 3: 03:00 Know. I, I can't remember where I read it. I mean he was a youtube video or something like that, but it was about this story and this guy like went on all these things and like, he's like, oh, finally going to get to the destination of fun. You're going to get to the destination. And then like when he actually hit the destination, he's like, you know, now that I'm here, this is the only thing I really have with me is how I got here. I was like, it's Kinda interesting. That is interesting. What were some of your takeaways? Good, bad highlights from his book? Like what were you like? I know, I think I once again pushed us onto you a, yeah, but this was one of those books that I rather enjoy it, I guess. I'm not sure, Terry, you got to pick somebody else to read your books and I'm sure that that was the impression.

Speaker 3: 03:48 But like, listening to this at like one speed, this is like sometimes you just kind of nod off or like kind of go into other things that it's, I mean, the person's voice is very relaxing and very calm and I guess that's the, the light of it. But I don't really know much about Buddhism. So like when you said earlier like, this isn't a religious book, I was like, I think I kind of learned a little bit about Buddhism, maybe a lot of all Buddhism, like this is kind of like in your first experience with that kind of stuff I've done. Like, like we did like yoga, pilates, like on a DVD or something. Yeah, yeah. Aside from that, I don't really go to yoga. I don't practice Buddhism, but she's gotten a lot of stories I guess of, you know, Buddha underneath the Bodhi tree and all this kind of stuff.

Speaker 3: 04:37 And so it was different for me in that aspect. But I guess the things that she's teaching and the things that she's saying in my life or my experience are not anything new. But the new thing for me about this is the way that it's explained. Like I guess Buddhism, again, I don't know anything about Buddhism, but my impression of Buddhism from reading this book is like it's very self centered and not the way that you've seen, but like it revolves around yourself and what you've experienced and how you come into contact with that. So there's a lot of good things and I guess we'll go through our sections of the book that I thought. We're really good ways of explaining things. You know, that other religions get from Christianity or that people get from psychology like she does. She does a really good way of mixing her tails with Buddhism and then applying it to her practice. And in going through some of those stories. So I rather enjoy it that way. Yeah. I think what I was trying to say with the, I don't feel like the religious undertones that this book will conflict with any religion that you do practice this. I

Speaker 2: 05:58 Mean that's where I was trying to go with I'm not very religious side. That's my interpretation of it is it's not forcing this upon you or trying to pick apart or, or, or, or, or contradict anything that you already may do believe or whatever. This is just, and a lot of things, you know, like you're saying, their sentiment is the same throughout different religions, different things, things that a lot of the things reminded me of stuff Jocko says like, you know, in dichotomy of leadership and, and that stuff,

Speaker 3: 06:24 It's stuff that a lot of people say, but, right. This is another way of explaining it that I've never heard before. Yes. It's like I've never heard it explained this way before, which is, which is really cool. And I think a lot of people, you know, especially if you're in those meditation circles, Yoga circles, Buddhism circles, like this book will probably go really well with you, but if you're not in those circles, I definitely say pick it up because it brings like a new, I guess a new tool to add to your tool belt, right? I'm new lens at which you can look at the world and be like, you know, I never really thought of the situation like that before. So, but anyway, that's what I, that's what I took away from it. So,

Speaker 2: 07:05 And that's the thing that when I was reading it, so I would, what I was thinking about was, I feel like you can just pick this book up and, and look at the chapter list and kind of just go right there and whatever you're struggling with or whatever you're looking to improve or whatever, you can just go right there and you're gonna miss a little bit of context, but it's, I don't think it's a lot, but you could just pick out one or two things here. You you're working on or struggling with or whatever and kind of go right there and get, get, get, get, get the story and then there's this meditations at the end of every chapter. I really liked that. Things to think about kind of work you through this. I really enjoyed that and it's like everybody's going to get something completely different from this book based on either what you're going through or the things you've been through in your life.

Speaker 2: 07:43 And I think like we were when we were going through, you know, setting this episode up, you know what I got and went ransom. God, we're completely different things from this book and it's always, I didn't know where to start out with this book. I'm like, yeah, it's hard. Yeah, right. This is like a really hard book to review, but I don't know. And that's what we kind of came to the decision or the consensus was, it's hard because my life, my experiences, the things I've entered go through aren't the same as ransom. So he took away something completely different than I took away from this. The lessons talk to us or didn't in different, in different, in a different way or different parts. I mean, we, I think we only agreed on like one chapter. We both were like, yeah, that chapter we got to talk about.

Speaker 3: 08:20 Yeah. But the rest is Kinda like, ah, it's like his and hers. But anyway, in any case, in any story, there are a lot of, I guess characters, quote unquote, right. The names and faces have been changed to protect the intent. But it's interesting to see how Tara talks to each and individual case and you know, so you get to meet a bunch of different characters who are going through a bunch of different scenarios and I'm sure there's at least one or two if not more stories that anyone in the world, if you pick this book up, you can relate to the characters in this book. And if you can't relate to them, you know, when you hear their story the first time, as the story continues, you know, as she goes through the book even further, she'll talk back and revisit with these characters and you can see how both Tara has grown and how, you know, the character has grown and now they're, you know, going onto the next stage. And it's really interesting. I don't know. It's really interesting.

Speaker 2: 09:20 Yeah, I guess it's a good book. Anything else highlight before we signed to jump into some of our favorite sections?

Speaker 3: 09:28 No, he didn't just go. What did, what did you like about it now it is some of your favorite sections.

Speaker 2: 09:32 I think my eye, I'd really for favorite, I think there's 12 or something like that in here or whatever, something like that, whatever it is. But I guess rather top awaking from the trance, that was really good. It kind of reminded me of like, oh, like Jocko is like rules and stuff and different things. They really like. These things just kind of brought me back to like to, to extreme ownership or that got me when your ship it. So it's kind of interesting.

Speaker 3: 09:57 Nice. Yeah. Again, and like this trans thing, I totally agree with you. You know what I mean? Awakening from it. But this was kind of like something that I just never heard of it explained this way and the way Tara explains it, like the trends of unworthiness. Like that's what it is. You're caught in this transfer. You're like, you're just like, oh the light, it's so beautiful. Can just like dazed out. Like when you kind of get stuck in this like be muddled state of unworthiness or feeling unworthy and just like, I was like, well I've never heard it explained that way yet. I see a lot of people go through it. I myself go through it and it's, it's, I don't know, again, it's just like, it's like mind blowing you. Like I was like, wait, what? What did she just say? I was like, they're really accurate way to explain it. And you know, like you're saying, awakening from it is so hard because that's your default mode, right? Like you're saying like Jocko Willink, like your default mode is just, Oh, let's just get into trends and like, oh, like it's like you've got to break that. I don't know.

Speaker 2: 11:04 Yeah, it's so easy. I mean we talked about in this episode many times and maybe even heard from many people, we're creatures of habit. You know, nine, 9% of our behaviors habitual. You just get up on the side of the bed, you get up, you put your pants the way on your brush, your teeth, you go about your day in the same ways and they become habits and you know, however you pick them or how they're picked for you. Most Times it's just the way it stays with you, for your life. We never think about it. We never think about changing it, changing it as hard. Like there's a lot of things that go into that.

Speaker 3: 11:30 Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:31 And then, and then real quick, I just want to highlight the things that I like that really have this shadow stuck out to me. And say what radical acceptance is not. And she really just lays out these things like these kinds of excuses or whatever. I thought that was really cool. It's not resignation. It's does not mean defining others by our limitations. It is not an excuse for withdrawal is not delusion. It's not not, not to make us passive. It's doesn't mean accepting itself. And it's like these, these fun little things that like when you read through each of those things, it's like, it's like the out. So she must've found people that are like, like, I'm sure this is, it reminds me of the same questions. Jocko gets like, yeah, I'm taking extreme ownership here. But you know, and it's like, that's, that's the thing she found too is like to take a radical acceptance. Like, yeah, but like these are the things I like. Those are the objectives

Speaker 3: 12:21 People give her. You know, she's kind of got through that as she talks about students. I guess we never really talked about what radical acceptance really is, and that's the name of the book. But for those of you that don't know radical acceptance is kind of just basically accepting whatever's happening in the present right now for what it is and this, and that's it. Just what it is, you know, not what you fear it to be. Right? Like we're talking about the transits, right? The trans of fear, like, Oh, I'm fearing this from happening. Like not what you actually fear, but what is actually going on. Same thing with the trance of unworthiness. Like it's not that you're unworthy at this time, it's just that this is a trans that you're going through what your happening is, what's happening to you right now.

Speaker 3: 13:13 The ability to accept that as difficult as that may be. And that's kind of what the book kind of goes upon. I don't know. Sorry. Tyson jumped ahead. I was just to call. He's talking about what it's not. Oh, it's fine. It's fine. It's fine for what it is. But at the same time, it's like, you know, she even goes further to say like, radical acceptance is not just accepting, you know, if it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen to me, so I shouldn't do anything. I shouldn't try. That's not the idea behind it. The idea is to actually accept what's going on and to face it, you know, maybe not in a confrontational way, but to sit there except that face it realize what's going on. And that's, that's a big part of that book.

Speaker 2: 13:55 Yeah. It's that, you know, you have a choice to do something or not do something you have, you know, whether however we got to a situation you can get out of it, you can stop, you can do whatever. And it's accepting that responsibility taken. Like, you know, I, I don't know why I'm going to, I'm going to probably keep going back to Jocko or whatever. Is this, it seems like the spiritual side of extreme ownership. It's like accepting and like, this is, this is in my controller. It's not like, you know, you got to understand that except what's going on. You know, something bad or tragic happened to you in your life or whatever it happened. And accepting that and what can I do about it? What is, what is in my control, what is not immature? I can't go backwards. I can't stop what had happened, but I can move forward and I can not let this continue to dictate my life, run my life, whatever it is that's going on now.

Speaker 2: 14:42 And then, and then another, another thing I really like was the acceptance of desire. Like that was a really interesting, really interesting chapter and that's one that resonated with me for whatever reason. I'm sure if I thought about it long and hard and I could figure it out as you know. But it, it is funny that you know, that she goes through a lot of that kind of details in the thinking and different things behind it. And in my, my favorite part of that was was this lady, she was she overate and she over eight for various reasons. And it was mainly, you know, a way of coping and way of kind of going through this. And she had gone through, you know, all of these different programs and different things and, and every time something stressful came up or something, you know, whatever it was, you know, she was just scared of something or, or something she would turn to, to eating and shit, you know, go, go to that.

Speaker 2: 15:35 And then there's some, now I know there's some good science in there about that, you know, why we, why we do that. She doesn't really talk about that. She talks about from the thing of, of kind of pausing and saying, what's going on here? Why do I want to bowl ice cream? What's happening? Giving yourself a second, you know, and, and you know, kind of accepting yourself and accepting, you know, this is something I'm struggling with right now, but I'm going to move through this. I'm going to get past this. I'm going to find out what's happening and I'm going to stop it. And it was really a really fun towards the end of the story of the lady was she was stressing out about a promotion she was going get. And she's sitting there and she's ready for the next bowl of cereal at whatever, midnight. And she's like, wait, she's say, whoa. I finally stopped myself and I took a second to and I'll say, damn, there it is. That's what's up. Like it was, it was awesome. Like story. I don't know. I really enjoyed it.

Speaker 3: 16:20 Yeah, no, I mean I liked that part of the story too. I, I think I kind of remember the meditation for some reason of that story. That's what it kind of stuck out at me. Cause I was kind of a little bit annoyed about it. But again, I'm not in those yoga meditation circles, but I, from what I remember of the meditation quote me on this, but basically it's like two people sit there and it's like, you know, what is it that you really desire? And then like one person acid and the other person responds there, I guess for this lady would have been like ice cream rate. And then the person who asked the question is like, thank you. And I just like nick, repeat the process. It's like, what is it that you really desire? Like pizza, you know, I mean that's not the, you know, the story, but it's just as an example.

Speaker 3: 17:09 But you know, the acceptance of desires is kind of, you know him. Again, I don't know these circles. So to me this is just a different way of explaining it, but this is kind of the way to get to the heart of the matter. You know, for the lady in this story, it's like she didn't really want food, you know, it's like she didn't really want ice cream or whatever while she's eating. Like she wanted to get out of the trends, right? She wanted to not feel that fear. She wanted to not feel, you know, that unworthiness, you know what I mean? Like, so all these things that we do, like there's usually an underlying cause, right? Like what's what's in it? And like, if you can, you know,

Speaker 4: 17:50 Just imagine yourself already eating that ice cream. Then it's like, now what do you want? And it's a calling. I want pizza. It's like, okay, so you go through all the food and after you, you know, imagine yourself consuming it, then it's like, okay, you know, I want something else now. And like, you know, you can just Kinda, if you figure out what it is behind what you really want, then I think that's kind of the, to me that was the moral of that story. But anyway, that's what I took away from it. I don't know. Yeah, I think I got introduced to maybe, I don't know, somewhere between three to six months ago was this, you know, it was around this topic and I think that's why it stuck out to me. I think it's something I still struggle with. I like, I like new things.

Speaker 4: 18:32 I like shiny things. I like electronic stuff. I like gadgets like Dan's, that's fun to me and we, but we all know what that's like. It's fun. It's great. We two weeks and then it's sitting on a shelf, it's buried somewhere and you never touch it again. So something I want to stop doing. I was like, I got all these things, these little gadget things, whatever, piling up around the house and I'm like, I'm, I'm just kinda tired. Like I'm was tired of it. I was, you know, I'm tired of getting a new cell phones all the time. Tyler was kind of tired of all this stuff. So I, the thing I came across and it's been real fun and I've been trying to do this with my kids as well, was, you know, put it in your Amazon shopping cart or whatever, put it on your list and come back to it in 30 days.

Speaker 4: 19:12 If you look at that, if you look at your Amazon shopping cart and say, you know, I do, I want that, go ahead, click that buy button and it's all yours. But what happens a lot and what's happening with me is I look at that and go, now I'm good and I just deleted, you know, I take it off my list or whatever it is. And it's just like, it's been eye opening. It's been fun. Like all these things that you want in the moment you obsessing about your thinking about it, you're like looking for the deals and then give yourself that 30 days to say, all right, got it. Put it in the cart, or whatever it is, put it on my list. I'm gonna come back to some three days. Most Times it's done. Like you didn't even really want it. It was cool.

Speaker 4: 19:44 It was fun in the moment and as something that helped reaffirm that thought with me initially. And I guess for me, I guess a big part of this book, one of my favorite chapters of the book is about that because she talks about this thing called the pass, right? And that's exactly what it is. You know, and again, I've heard it from all kinds of things, like Tony Robbins talks about interrupting the pattern. She talks about it here. As you know, doing the pause, right. Jocko, we'll talk about it as making your assessment, like taking a step back. Right, right. What is it? What do you call it? Decentralized command, but attaching, yeah, you take a detachment, but, but that's just it. You take a second to pause to kind of figure out like what's actually going on. Like, cause you know, we all have that inner most instinctual desire to be like, Bam, I want that. And then like, but you know, she does a really good thing about in her chapters about talking about the pause and like it's just so important and they give you to get out

Speaker 3: 20:48 Of the trance, right? And she talks about, or you want to start doing these things, like you have to be able to take a step back or at least pause. And she does it, you know, it's kind of like a recurring theme throughout the book. She, especially when she talks about it, you know, when she went to go into with her son, they, she's like talking about how she had a hard time getting your son to do certain things and then like is in there playing video games. And like, she just wants to like bash the door in and like get in there and be like, Hey, what are you doing? Blah blah, blah. And then like, you know, and she also talks about it with her husband and things like that. It's like, you know, when, when you actually stop what you're doing and you don't repeat the same pattern, like you know, some, eventually somebody's going to notice it.

Speaker 3: 21:34 You know, it's not only, you know, especially when it's two different people, it's like Tyson and I going at it like if you just don't jump at each other's throats right away and we actually pause and it's like, okay, you know, then this is kind of, you know, gives you a chance to see what's going on and it, and when it's two people involved, it gives the other person a chance. They'd be like, Hey, and around somes not just going off with his woody remarks right now, like, but he actually might be trying to tell me something. So, I don't know. It kind of works both ways. One, it allows you to figure out what's going on, but two, it allows the other person or other things involved. Like when you pause now the other person has to do something, right. It's like now you're putting the ball in their court. So I don't know. But I, I like that chapter. That was one of my favorite chapters. The Pos.

Speaker 4: 22:26 Yeah, that's a, that's a good end. Has a lot to it. When you're angry, when, when you know, a lot of things are going on, like that's a good thing. Especially, you know, we get these, you know, email or text message, it's hard to see or tell the tone and you might read it and you just get pissed off. You're like, oh, I got you. I need to start typing stuff in the back. Like giving yourself that time to say, okay, let me step away. Let me type it out. Just don't hit, don't hit sand. Right, right, right, right, right. Or like I know in Gmail and I think some other things you, you can hit sand and then there's like a time delay where you have a chance to unsend it, you know? So something like that you might want to turn on just in case you're like, whoa. As soon as I had sent, like I felt the whole different feeling about why I should, I should not have said that and give yourself that chance to undo it. I have mine set at the Max, I forget what the Max in a few minutes, maybe

Speaker 3: 23:14 Mine's me. That'll actually, there was, there was a college professor, we actually ended up being really good friends, but there was a college professor that when I went into his class and I was like, ah, this guy explaining all of these things. Like he's got all of these rules, like you can't cheat on this test. You can't even go to the bathroom during this test, blah blah blah. And like his study guide, I know, it's just like, all right, whatever. And then like, so I studied my butt off. Like I was like, this test is going to be hard. So I studied my butt off and I was like, okay, I studied everything on this guy, you know. I was like, I got this, this test is going to be a hole in the bag. Cause like I spent like tons of time on it.

Speaker 3: 23:53 So the first test I took, like I was like, Damn. I was like, I studied my butt off for this test. And like I, I mean I got an aid, don't get me wrong, but I barely got any on that test, barely got any aid. And like it was hard, like answering questions and I was like, I was like, Damn. So like the next day I came to class and I was just like upset. I was like, I was like, dude, there's no way I'm going to pass this class. Like there's just, I mean, with an a, because I had to get an Aa and then like, you know, he's like, oh. And he sensed it in me. He's like, Oh, you know, as there, you know, he asked me questions in class. I just wouldn't respond. And then like halfway through the class, he's of just like started urging me, he's like, well, what do you think?

Speaker 3: 24:37 Ransom, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I was like, you know, professor, I don't really think you want to know what I think right now. Like I just told them that, yeah, like mole. He's like, well, what did on and I like, it's trying to do it in front of the class. I was like, I said, you know what? I was like, why don't we just finish the lecture? Don't talk to me. Do you want to talk to me and talk after class? And like at that moment they don't want to fricking like lay into him dude. Like fuck. I was like, but for some reason within me, like I paused and I held it. I wrote down what I was going to say to him during the rest of the class. And like at the end of class when I went to go see him, like I looked at what I wrote on that paper was like crumpled down turn. But I don't need to say those things. But anyway,

Speaker 2: 25:20 No, that's it. It's so easy to do. Do, do, do the first thing and, and just lay into him. You want to think about the fucker. I got you here. Let me tell you right now.

Speaker 3: 25:30 Yes, I studied the guys you have are crap, like, and I don't know. But we ended up actually being pretty good friends at after that we'll meet. But there was a rough start and it just, it just took that like, it took the pause. Like if I didn't pause, like I may have quit that class. I may have told him I might've gotten suspended from school. I don't know. The things I wrote on that paper, I was like, God damn. Yeah.

Speaker 2: 25:52 And that's, that's, I mean, that's a, that's a, a key lesson there. That's the, that's the thing. Those are the moments. I know this, the stories, I think it was Lincoln or he used to write, he used to get mad at people. He'd write these letters like, you know what I mean? Let me tell you, I told you what to do and you're not going to do it. Let me tell you how much of a fucking asshole and more on you are. And he'd write these days out and then he would never send it to just put him in his desk drawer and like, and he just doing that. And so that at one point some people found them, they, they read through and they do like, Dang, I'm glad you never sent this to, you know, these, these people like you would have just laid into.

Speaker 2: 26:28 But I guess earlier in his life, he used to lay into people, he's a ransom newspapers and tell people how stupid they were and how dumb they were. And he'd publish these things and, and he learned that that's just not a good thing to be doing. So but it's hard. It's tough. You know, it really takes practice and it takes, you know, you know, don't, don't get down on yourself if you know, the first time you're not quite good at it. And I just keep practicing and keep getting better at it. I know it's hard with family and close friends, you just want to lay into them and tell them how I must, they're fucking up or how dumb they are. It's tough, but you know, take that second, you know, take those few seconds. Maybe you walk away for awhile, maybe lead those him, you know, emails or texts in your to the next day, you know, until you calm down a bit. And it's, that's really, that's one of the key things I think in this book, like you're saying is that pause and taking that second to digest, to think, to not respond irrationally and emotionally to things.

Speaker 3: 27:20 No, that's good. What are the, what are some of the other stuff that you like about it?

Speaker 2: 27:24 I really liked the opening her heart in the face of fear. Mm. I mean that's just the thing that, you know, a lot of times it's in our head, right? It's like all these stories you come up with these scenarios. We, we, we put ourselves through and the only thing really to fear is fear itself. Right? Right. There's some other good things on it, but you know, it's, it's nice like listen through and go through the thought process and go through like especially, you know, at the end you can always just reference right back to those meditations. Right. They ended up both, there's a separate like table of contents in the actual book just to read. Go to those meditations and, and just read through it and think through it and, and understand like where, you know, we're, we're so much more capable, especially, you know, anything.

Speaker 2: 28:09 If we think about like how we got to this point, how are, you know, I got born, the people that came before us had to endure so much. They were to fit. Is it a fit? They survived. Our genes survived their DNA. Sir, we are capable of so much and it's, we forget. It's easy to forget now. Like, you know, such such little things throw us off or scared of, you know, these different things and we think we can do things and we're not capable or not strong enough. I can't, I can't walk anymore. I can't get to the mountain. I can't go four hours without eating, you know, like all these different things that we think about and it's just in our head and I really enjoyed that chapter and

Speaker 3: 28:45 It's trans or whatever. Right? Right. Exactly what chapter or whatever. But she does mention the story about Mara in her books a lot too. So I don't, again, don't quote me if I'm, if I'm murdering Buddhism right now please forgive me cause I just know nothing about it. I read a book and I think I'm an expert. So the case might be, but the story I guess goes like, like whenever Maura comes at Mara is kind of like the antagonist of the, of the story or whatever, right? He's like deception and greed and all these evil things. But you know, whenever Maura comes, like it talks about like, oh, Buddha just invite tomorrow in for tea. And it's like, you know what I mean? Like I see you Mara. It's like, all right here, here's your favorite tea. And you just sit down and like welcoming like with an open heart.

Speaker 3: 29:33 And you know what I mean? And like, it's just a, to me, I like these stories cause it's kind of like an acute thing. Like you see like good and evil like down for tea and like evil is trying to be like up to no good and the good guys like Ah, okay we'll see you, invite you in, come in and have your favorite cup of tea. We'll talk story. And it's like, you know to me it's a cute story but when you actually think about how hard that is to do, like you take your worst fear. I mean I don't, I don't care what it is. I, I know a girl out there, if you're watching this, I'm sorry, but she's scared to death of like lizards. Like you put a lizard on shore, like freak the fuck out. But like you try to get her to have tea with a lizard, they're like, it's just not going to happen.

Speaker 3: 30:16 It's just not going to happen. You know, run away. She didn't screen but like it's so hard to take the thing that you fear the most, right? You're stuck in this trans and like to invite it to come in. And again, this goes back to the whole thing about what this book is, radical acceptance, right? So like, you know, it's not accepting it because it's gonna, you know, do whatever. But like with an open heart rate and I guess that's, those are the things you have to have an open heart, be open minded about it. And, you know, face the fear open, invited in for tea. I don't know when I work for you. Even then I reminds you of like, I'm 12, 12 rolls of life or for life, whatever it was. Jordan appears was talking about that, that exposure therapy, like let's start with, with put the needle in the bookshelf over there, like, and then it's like, I'm going to bring it a little closer.

Speaker 3: 31:05 I'm gonna bring in a little closer to them. That's what it, you know, facing these fears and, you know, it's all in. It's all in our heads. It's, you know, whatever reason, your friend is scared about lizards. Something was to happen when she was a little kid and now she just absolutely terrified that whatever, whatever the case, whatever it was, right. But if you take it back to Jordan Peterson, right? Like one foot in the darkness, right, and one foot in the light, right? Yeah. You have one foot planted in the light where you feel safe and stuff and then you, you step into the darkness and like, that's kind of where the balance is. And you know, in facing the fear to Tara kind of talks about it too. I forget what the, the the, the sanctions are for, but like you do need a place like, of safety, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3: 31:49 Like be before you like, open yourself to radical acceptance. And before you get in there and like, you know, start facing your fears. Like you do need something that's, you know, a place that you can feel safe or a person that you feel safe talking to. Because sometimes when you open these cans of worms, there's demons in there. Man. It's like the dragon, you know, like Jordan Peterson again. I is like, you got this dragon is so big, it's like taking your house away and like you're trying to face this right now and like, you know, you Kinda, you kinda need that. And that, that to me kind of reminds me of one of the stories that it's not that I kind of want necessarily want to share it, but I think it's just a very powerful story in this book. So for those of you who faint of heart, I apologize.

Speaker 3: 32:37 It's not that I'm going to explain in a graphic detail, just the story itself is just Kinda so shocking. You mindblowing, it'd be on good children are listening around. Do you, maybe this is time to pause and come back to this positive, come back to that later on, that kind of stuff. But you know, there's a story in the book and they talk about this family who's going through therapies more specifically, the wife and the daughter are going to therapy or the mom, the mother and the daughter. Yeah. I mean, sorry. Yeah, the mother and the daughter are going to therapy, right? Because the, the wife and the husband, right, we're fighting or whatever the case might be. And the husband actually does unspeakable things and the daughter, right, molest her, abuses her, you know, sexually and it's just, you know, again, I'm not sharing this story because I want to, it's just like, if you can imagine what this found went through, right?

Speaker 3: 33:32 Like this mom, like feeling like she's a horrible mom because this whole time is happening. Like she, she's either none the wiser or, you know, I think the daughter said when she got older that daughter was saying the cool, you just got drunk at light on the couch and all this kind of stuff. And it's like through my life, knowing all that kind of thing and like, you know, like, I don't know, I mean, as a parent, like, you know, it's just like, I'm not a mom, but I'm a parent and like frick, if I was drunk on the couch while my husband or whatever was in doing horrible things to my daughter that I just had no aware of, like I would feel really crappy as a parent. Like that's just was just something you don't ever want. Like that's the one that parents like worst nightmares, this same thing for the daughter.

Speaker 3: 34:18 Like how, how do you feel? It's like your mom is downstairs doing nothing and your father of all people, your father at such a young age is just doing unspeakable things to you and you're just like, wow. Like, you know when you talk about this book, you know, being radical acceptance. Like I don't care who you are, I don't care if you're superman. That reality right there, like that's hard for anybody to exam. You know what I mean? It's just, and that's kind of the thing too. Like you know, Tara talks about like when you're going to face these things, like you know, you, you need a place of safety or a person that you feel safe around, like to talk to, you know what I mean? And like, no went, you know, enough is enough. It's not, again, this book isn't just about Paul accepting whatever's going on in your life.

Speaker 3: 35:04 Like you want to accept it with the heart of a Buddha. Like, you know, you just take it in small bites, you know. But I dunno, I just kinda wanted to touch on that story because it is a powerful story in a book and if these two individuals, right, this mother and this daughter can improve the relationship and get on with life. Like it's a really shining example of, you know, the true nature of the human heart and how forgiving it actually can be and how willingness people are to accept even their worst, deepest fears

Speaker 4: 35:37 That have probably tormented them for more than half their lives. It's crazy. And I don't, yeah, that was the thing about that story. The mother finally, whatever, 20, 30 years later, it was like, Shit I did like that was like, she didn't realize it until, until that moment was like, that was me hiding from the truth and not wanting to know what's happening. I was getting drunk and, and staying up late and, and you know, and, and just sleeping on the couch to, to, to hide and whatever was something was happening and, and you know, it took her a long time to, and instead of blaming herself, like I was just horrible person and stuff. And she had to get through that so that, that daughter could get, you know, through her thing. And then in the end they, they kind of just, you know, embrace and I said, they know, they kind of broke through the thing saying, you know, I understand like, mom, you did the best you've kind of could, you know, even though it was shitty and it is, and you kind of talk their way through it.

Speaker 4: 36:28 And they came to this, this new place where they all can move on with their life. And I think the mom had one point, she was talking about maybe even killing herself or something like that or whatever. And they'd gotten just gotten past all of that stuff. And it's really an amazing story, a shitty thing to happen. But yeah, it's like, yeah, you're, you're like going through all these happy meditations. So they, like you started reading that chapter is like, make sure you finish that chapter by them. Yes, please do that chapter. And then like, Oh, I'm gonna go to sleep now. Yeah. Maybe my one, I'll finish that chapter. But, but anyway you know, it's just, it's just one of those things that like, wow, it's just a, it's a really like gut retching story and you know, for these two individuals to actually come to see any kind of light or a goodness in the world after that.

Speaker 4: 37:12 I think that's really awesome. It was really, yeah, that is unfortunately a tragic beginning, but an amazing ending. And it like, you're, like you're saying, goes to show how much like we are capable of. Once we accept and we move forward and we take responsibility, we take ownership, whatever it is for what had happened in the past, but we can move forward now we can, we can come to a understanding or whatever it is enlightenment took to move to move forth. You know? And there's another story, kind of, you know, the little girl, she, it's amazing how she can, it seems that this up thing they were trauma, you know, the little girl was months old and she was there, the father was pissed off when he came home. He knows everything about the baby, whatever. And they just shove the baby under the water and a sink and you know, and, and that, that moment shaped that that person's life or decades.

Speaker 4: 38:10 Yeah. This is a different story by the way. A completely different story. Right. But there's a show, it was just like, wow. Like she either remembered that or maybe that was what she thought of or I don't know. I don't know how you know somebody, but maybe it was just traumatizing enough that the brain had no idea. But yeah, those are the things that just happened and facing them and going through them and bringing yourself up to that fear and, you know, saying, we can get through this. I'm strong enough. I can do this. I can endure. You know, the things that are, most of us, if you're, if you're have the luxury of listening to a podcast, you're life is not hard is, you know, at all, you know, maybe it seems like that, but really, really it's not. Think about, not just in our time and our struggles that are happening in other countries and stuff that, you know, but think about your, just your ancestors and what date, what was life like 50 years ago, a hundred years ago when you had to do things, you know, to, to just survive, just to eat.

Speaker 4: 39:09 I mean, I was reading something the other day, you know, a billion people go, you know, tonight when the sun goes down, they do not have light here. You know, that's, that's insane to think about, you know? But yeah, they live in, there's no, there's no options. There's no choice. If you don't, you can't start a fire or whatever. You'd have no light. You can't turn on the light to finish your homework, to, to, to, to read a book, to Cook Dinner, whatever it is, finished the laundry. You know what I mean? And that's the kind of struggle most of us, our great grandparents knew. And we can, we can endure a lot. It's not the end things go on. If you're broke, poor shit's happening. There's a light. There's an ending to that. It doesn't, if something happened in the past, you don't have to stay there. Every time you bring that up, you're reliving that moment. You've got to be able to go past that. Whatever you got to do. I'm not saying it's easy, I'm not saying anything. I'm not discounting it. But you can face that and we can move forward. And that to me is one of the things I really liked about this. There's, I've never had nothing like that happened to me.

Speaker 3: 40:12 Yeah. Well I, and again, I, I think there's a story for everybody in this book. Like, you know, these are just some of the stories that we're sharing. You know, that people can relate to. But Tara also does a good job in this book is like when people know that they're not the only one, you know, when they feel like they're not alone. Like, you know what music do, the examples that we're talking about, like if you go out and meet somebody else who has a similar experience to you and like yes, that shitty for the other person, but like part of you feels like, Hey, you know what? I can relate to you. I'm not alone in this journey. Like you know, there's another person out there that's had it or that's been through what I've been through that you know, I can talk to or that you know, we can go pray together or we can, you know what I mean? We can meditate together or we can go, you know what I mean? Like sometimes you're suffering eases when you know that you're not alone in the suffering.

Speaker 4: 41:09 Absolutely. Yeah. There's always, you know, I know it's easy to get into that mindset of like, oh, you don't understand. Nobody else is going through this. But that's not true. Everybody every has the same thoughts. There's people out there. The Internet is an amazing resource to look for groups and different things that people are going through. Exactly the same thing as you. Obviously the details aren't the same, but the scenarios are exactly the same. Reach out to those things and, and get it does help.

Speaker 3: 41:34 There is, there's some good research, different things like that we feel better about things when we know, and she talks about in this book too, when you just have that feeling of acceptance and you understand me and you've been there, you've gone through that. It helps, it's not seeing that you're accepting what's happening to you, right? Like it's just that you're, you know, accepting the situation for what it is in the present. And I think, I guess that's also one of my favorite chapters. It's more towards the end of the book. I think she should have started the book with this, but I guess you gotta work your way up to it. It's just the whole thing about awareness and actually being aware of what's going on. And I guess for me, I kind of learned this skill when I was a security guard.

Speaker 3: 42:17 I don't know you to Tyson if that's kind of maybe where you started this, you, you are doing that in way early in life. But maybe you can, I don't know. I can't pinpoint it. But for me it's just like as a security guard when you, you know, yeah. Where they're from muscle. But you know, we're also there to observe and we're also there to actually make a detailed report that way when the police come or when the authorities come, no, we can describe to them what actually happened. Right. So in that your awareness has to be on point. Right. And your awareness and your storytelling and your reporting has to be in a way that's, that's more objective than subjective. And what I mean by that is it's not really open to interpretation. Yeah. You know, just like for me, if you guys are watching this and the main man and you don't have any rules so you don't know anything about Hawaii, I was like, yeah, it was one holiday guy.

Speaker 3: 43:14 Like half the people watching as you may not even know what that is. Right. Well, you know what I mean? Like you, you can't use slang words or pigeon words that, that are foreign. Like you actually have to describe what's going on. Like, was it a male or was it a female or did it appear to be male that appear to be female? No, you have to be descriptive. What kind of clothes are they wearing? You know, what kind of car were they driving? You know what I mean? He kind of just be like, Oh, it was one sedan. Like as a black sedan, there's like a million black sedans out there. Like what, what model was and what make was it? And this is the part where they, you've got to be descriptive about what it is you're explaining. You know, in your report, you can't say the guy was mad, the cottage, you know, he was mad.

Speaker 3: 43:58 Right. You know? Well he was screaming, well, why don't you say he was screaming? Because that's a more accurate definition of what's going on. So the story of awareness that I like in this book is when she's explaining it to sky and he's like, she's like, okay, and now picture yourself sitting there. And then he's like, well, I can't help but wonder who's watching me. Cause like, no, you're just trying to be aware of what's going on. It's like, well, who's watching me? And it's like, and who's watching that person? It's like you're the points, right? Like it's not about you, it's not about your perceptions of what you think life is or anything like that. Like it's just about awareness as to what's going on. If I can describe what's in my screen, it's like there's a couch, right? The couches brown and wearing a red shirt, you know, there's, there's white, there's white walls.

Speaker 3: 44:55 The light was very then like, you know, just being aware of like simple things. You can start with simple things like that, but you know, then you'll start to see deeper things and you know, it's just kind of like, you know, eventually I think the, you know, the stories that we're talking about eventually, you know, they start that girl who got drown or, or whatever, that dad put her under the water. Like part of her thing was being aware and then positively, eventually as she grew up, she didn't see her dad is this person who is out to hurt her anymore. She saw her dad as somebody who was an injured can being who was hurting. You know what I mean? Like that's like that's kind of when you start with awareness and you start with the simple things and then eventually you can see that, you know, he was just doing something out of anger.

Speaker 3: 45:45 He wasn't intentionally hurting her or whatever the case might be. He was an injury human being himself who is acting in the trends, right? A theory or the Trans of anger and the trance of unworthiness and like, you know, I think getting to that awareness, and maybe that's why some last chapter in the book, you know, you'd have to ask her why she put it that way. But like when you can get to that point where you don't just see the person on the outside or the surface, you can actually kind of see, well you know what's behind them. Like, that's kind of where, where things start to click and where the light kind of turns on. So I don't know anything about that. Yeah. I don't really have anything to add to that. I mean, yeah, it's, it's, it's hard and it shitty. Yeah. Cause you're, I mean, when you're judging yourself, it's difficult. We all, we all can, oh, you can turn to your neighbor, your friend buses. Let me tell you all the ways they fucking up in life.

Speaker 3: 46:52 But even in doing something like I had for me, I'm my worst critic. Like, you know, it's like fuck when I fuck up at work. Like it's like, damn, I could've killed somebody today. Went, if you go home with that and like, all right, like did he die? No. Is that okay? Am I going to do that again? No, but I feel shitty. Yes. Like, you know what I mean? And that, but again, this, this whole thing is about being awareness and it's just like, you know, for me, when I have a bad day like that, it's just like you got to think about what's going on and yeah, I dunno,

Speaker 2: 47:30 That's the way it should be. But what seems to be the norm is let's, let's talk about your situation. I map is Sally was fucking doing her job. I wouldn't have fucked up today. This guy wouldn't have almost died because there's p and that's really the norm, you know? And at least that's what,

Speaker 3: 47:46 Right. It's like, fuck, I had a rough day. Somebody on the static I'm not going to go home now.

Speaker 2: 47:51 I'm off the clock now. My problem. Like,

Speaker 3: 47:53 Yeah. Or it's like fuck bro. Like I need a drink. Do you need some kind of chemical imbalance and get over what just happened? Or you know, but like these are the things like, again, like getting back to the whole thing, like you were saying, like accepting fear with the open heart. Like, you know what I mean? Like isn't it, and it's tough. And again, I don't know anything about Buddhism, but I, my understanding from what I read and you know, mainly this book is like, it's all about yourself and what you're going through and like how you can interact with things and you know, and again, I like a lot about this awareness. It's a different part of the book, but into the whole awareness thing is like Tara talks about using your body. It's just like right there. Like, I dunno, it's Kinda on cue.

Speaker 3: 48:42 Couldn't couldn't hold that in. But yeah, just like that. It's like what just happened? Like rewind the track and it's like, but you know, it's like, I felt like I was going to Burp, but I'm on camera so I kind of stopped. But then like, you know what I'm saying? Like what, what happened? I felt the gas bubbles from my stomach come up towards my chest, but they stopped, you know, I was able to hold them down and push them back. I had to pause my actions for a little bit. I did, I had to focus all my energy for the [inaudible]. If the tape didn't blur, there wasn't. There's a glitch and it was me focusing my energy to stop that Bert from coming out because I'm on camera. But see again, like this is all about awareness, like using your body. It's like your hand isn't just like, this isn't just a hand, like this is an extension of your soul, your spiritualness like, you know what I mean?

Speaker 3: 49:33 Like you can feel your heartbeat, you can feel your, your breathing. Then this is kind of things like you just pause, you stop, take a breath out, breath in. And then again, these are all things that will help you start becoming aware of what's going on. And you know, eventually you practice this and then you can start seeing, you know, deeper into, in, like I said, you can see people as injured human beings and it gets crazy. I Dunno, I really liked this book, you know, not that I'm talking to violin. You really liked this book.

Speaker 2: 50:04 I am glad be it. It's fun when you, like you're saying, you start to get to these places when you just look at somebody and be like, you're not mad at me, like shit's happening in your life. I get it. Yeah. And it's not about you. And it's like, you know, the jackass cuts you off in traffic. Like you have no idea what's going on in his life. Yeah, no, it's like, maybe it, if he's having a

Speaker 4: 50:28 Heart attack and he's trying to get to the hospital, like I don't know how his kids in the back got stung by a bean. It's like I've got to get to help immediately. Like the wife's having a baby, like what's going on the frame and you know, the homeless guy on the street, like maybe he's not a drunk fuck up. Maybe shit just went wrong. And the spite, his best efforts, like when you start looking at other human beings as human beings, like, and, and just think about, you know, you know your life and everybody's like, like how, how much things you had no control over and it's just luck, whatever you want to call it. That. And just say, you know what, one choice, one moment, one action. Your life can be so different. You know, I know personally I, it, I could easily be in jail.

Speaker 4: 51:14 I could have easily done a thousand mps easily be dead people. You know what I'm saying? Action One, one left turn one centimeter to the right. Like there's so many things that would have just easily gone wrong. You know where I was born, I have no control over that. Hold my parents, I had no control over that stuff. You know, when we have, when you start to be able to detach from this, you know, and look at other people, that's just damn human beings regardless of their situation, their skin color, their neighborhood, their education, like whatever's, it's like shit happens man. Like I get it. And then another interesting thing that, you know, I think it's relevant today. That's where it talks about in her book. It's like people are so busy making cardboard cutouts. Do you remember that part in the book? Yeah. That was funny.

Speaker 4: 52:00 Like that's like chick, like, you know, it's like, it's like we're out here too. You know, like project, like an image of me, like here's my cardboard cutout, right, but can just start like painting the merits lights like Valedictorian. This is ran right Vegas. It's like, Nah, he's like employee of the month or well, you know, whatever. Like we're so good at that. Like just making a cardboard cutout of yourself to like appear better than who we actually are, or something that we can hide behind so that we don't have to show people that we're humans, we're, we're vulnerable. It's like, no, no, this is me. The cardboard cutout. Like, I dunno. It's kind of crazy. It's a, it's a, it's a good way to end the chapter and you know, bringing it all together. I think like you're saying, I think it starts there, but we've got to get there.

Speaker 4: 52:53 Once you get to that self awareness, when she get to that place, when you can start, I hate to say judging yourself, but for lack of a better word, you know, no. Again, it's just being aware of what was going on and what's eternal and being okay with it. Nevermind the cardboard cutout that you're trying to make because you want to impress your friends you know, with your accomplishments or because you have to do all of this. Like, just get down to it. Like we are human beings, you know, we are vulnerable. Like doesn't matter how much you try to hide them side, it doesn't matter. You know what you did in your life or how much you've accomplished. Like you're still a human being. You're still vulnerable. And just like Tyson said, like if we're out here and like, you're seeing this, like we're not flawed.

Speaker 4: 53:38 Like those people who watching this like, or, you know, somebody who knows me personally, like I'm very flawed. I have a lot of flaws. You know, just, just I accept them for what they are and I, you know, that that is what it is and that's part of my strength. Unfortunately. It's kind of weird how that works, but I don't know. Yeah, it's, it's stuff. It's good, it's fun, it's good stuff. I think people respect you more when you're able to admit that stuff in and bring that forward in your life. But it's a, it's a, it's a long road. It's a, it's a journey. It's, it takes time. You're, you know, maybe maybe, maybe once a week you do it twice next week you do it and then three times a week after and then next thing you know, it's every other day and next thing you know, it's every day.

Speaker 4: 54:29 Next thing you know, like you're just nailing it and it might take six months, it might take six years. It doesn't matter. Like as long as you know, you're, you're going into direction, you're moving forward and you're getting better. This is what, this is what the show's about. Like, you know, giving you ideas, giving you information, giving you things and thoughts to take your life in a direction you want to head regardless of whatever's happening now or what has happened, you can change. You can choose today I'm going to do different, I'm going to do better. I'm going to stop doing x, y, whatever it is. That's it right there. Like having the information and knowing that others are around you, rather relate with you, sympathize, empathize, help you through it. That's what it's about. Just moving forward every day, getting that 1% better. Whether it's yearly, monthly, weekly, daily, quarterly. It doesn't matter. As long as you're getting better and you're moving in a direction. Yeah. Awesome. Anything else about this book? My friend? Nah, man, I just, I really like it. It's a very approach for me. And that's what I like about it as awesome and yeah,

Speaker 2: 55:38 You know, along this theme, you know, we, we like to have, have giveaways, stuff like this, things that come up like this. Like we're talking about things that help improve our life, help us grow, help us on our journey, all kinds of different things. I mean, we've, we've had, you know, supplements to two masterminds to all these different things that we've partnered with them. We've got out there and books and, and, and, and all these things that we try to gather. We want to give you guys whether it's just one person, it's a group of people. We, you know, we want to help, we want to give stuff to accelerate you and there's, you know, to help with, you know, either it's awareness or excuses, whatever it is, go over to the social community that show slash pickney see what we got going on right now, this month.

Speaker 2: 56:23 Enter to win or at least check out the product. Go ahead and get into it. Whatever it is. If you know something that we should be checking out or look into, let us know. We'll, we'll give it a whirl and then for everything. We'll, I'll link to this book if you're interesting in his book. Like I said, probably 50 times episode, I think extreme ownership is that is a similar concept from a different Lens, more of a tactical lens. If you're interested in that tactical maybe side, maybe a little less of this Buddhist type thing. I piss want me, you know, I'll link that as well. I think these two go hand in hand as companions. But if you don't like the style, I think that same messages there as well as some good meditations. I will link. She's got a lot of great stuff out there. For free. I will link to some of the things that I found with her as well as Sam Harris has a, a meditation auricle waking up and I've talked about it before. It's a great app. It's along this line. It's this type of thing she's talking about. They kind of run in the same circle there. If you're interested in that, I will link to that. Anything else you think around some? No, that's good man.

Speaker 2: 57:35 This week's challenge to pause the thing, give yourself a moment, take a breath, don't react on emotion, perceived slights or whatever it is that you're feeling yourself the chance to pause.

Speaker 1: 57:57 Okay.

Speaker 2: 57:58 That's it. Oh, well, and you know, and just taking into our final thoughts, right? The show is always about awareness. So you know, this book is about acceptance, but more importantly, you have to be aware of things.

Speaker 1: 58:13 Yeah.

Speaker 2: 58:14 Be aware of what's going on in your body. Are you breathing right now? Is your heart beating? Can you feel your calls? Then take a look. What are you thinking? You thinking about the laundry, thinking about of us for lunch, you know, and then look at other people and just kind of see, I don't know what's going on with them. What would cause somebody to do that?

Speaker 1: 58:37 No,

Speaker 2: 58:38 Just spring awareness. It's all yes. And if you know somebody that could, could use this or you want to give them, you know, you guys came up, you guys read it together, discuss it. Whatever it is, share this with people is the best way to help the show reach more people is to share it. If you enjoy what we're doing you can even like you can leave a review, good or bad, doesn't matter. I would like the feedback on what's going on in between shows. You can connect with us all week long at the social community showing Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. You can subscribe to the Youtube version of this or on your favorite podcast app and for past episodes and links, everything we talk about, you can visit the social chameleon.show and until next time, keep learning, keep growing. Keep transforming into the person you want to become.