Complaining: grumble, moan, whine, lament, criticize, bitch, gripe…
The thing about complaining is that, in general, it is negative. Negative energy that most people don’t always notice. Have you ever walked into a room and the conversation is a bunch of people complaining about the same thing? One negative comment after another that builds upon itself. Sometimes, it just starts as what was meant to be a venting session of anger or frustration towards a person or recent event, and then it snowballs into a conversation about the end of the world! Look inward towards things you can change and achievable solutions. Realize there are things you can control: your actions, your behavior, your reactions, and your responses. The same goes for things you can’t control, other people’s actions, behaviors, etc. Be the example, set the standard, and lead with your efforts, and the rest will follow.
Books & Links From The Episode
16 Things People Complain About Way Too Often
Thought catalog article we talked about in the episode.
- Slow, but free Wi-Fi.
- Lengthy waits in drive-throughs.
- 40-hour jobs.
- Weather.
- Flying.
- The toilet seat being left up.
- Facebook statuses.
- Typos and grammatical errors.
- Someone liking them too much.
- Mondays.
- Spoilers online.
- Waking up in the morning.
- Nickelback, Justin Beiber, Twilight, Miley Cyrus (The twerking, la-da-di-da-di we like to party version), etc.
- Hangovers.
- Handling things that they’re supposed to handle.
- People complaining.
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Books
Extreme Ownership
Combat, the most intense and dynamic environment imaginable, teaches the toughest leadership lessons, with absolutely everything at stake. Jocko Willink and Leif Babin learned this reality first-hand on the most violent and dangerous battlefield in Iraq. As leaders of SEAL Team Three’s Task Unit Bruiser, their mission was one many thought impossible: help U.S. forces secure Ramadi, a violent, insurgent-held city deemed “all but lost.” In gripping, firsthand accounts of heroism, tragic loss, and hard-won victories, they learned that leadership―at every level―is the most important factor in whether a team succeeds or fails.
Willink and Babin returned home from deployment and instituted SEAL leadership training to pass on their harsh lessons learned in combat to help forge the next generation of SEAL leaders. After leaving the SEAL Teams, they launched a company, Echelon Front, to teach those same leadership principles to leaders in businesses, companies, and organizations across the civilian sector. Since that time, they have trained countless leaders and worked with hundreds of companies in virtually every industry across the U.S. and internationally, teaching them how to develop their own high-performance teams and most effectively lead those teams to dominate their battlefields.
Since it’s release in October 2015, Extreme Ownership has revolutionized leadership development and set a new standard for literature on the subject. Required reading for many of the most successful organizations, it has become an integral part of the official leadership training programs for scores of business teams, military units, and first responders. Detailing the mindset and principles that enable SEAL units to accomplish the most difficult combat missions, Extreme Ownership demonstrates how to apply them to any team or organization, in any leadership environment. A compelling narrative with powerful instruction and direct application, Extreme Ownership challenges leaders everywhere to fulfill their ultimate purpose: lead and win.
Dichotomy of Leadership
With their first book, Extreme Ownership (published in October 2015), Jocko Willink and Leif Babin set a new standard for leadership, challenging readers to become better leaders, better followers, and better people, in both their professional and personal lives. Now, in THE DICHOTOMY OF LEADERSHIP, Jocko and Leif dive even deeper into the unchartered and complex waters of a concept first introduced in Extreme Ownership: finding balance between the opposing forces that pull every leader in different directions. Here, Willink and Babin get granular into the nuances that every successful leader must navigate.
With examples from the authors’ combat and training experiences in the SEAL teams, and then a demonstration of how each lesson applies to the business world, Willink and Babin clearly explain THE DICHOTOMY OF LEADERSHIP―skills that are mission-critical for any leader and any team to achieve their ultimate goal: VICTORY.
The Daily Stoic
Why have history’s greatest minds-from George Washington to Frederick the Great to Ralph Waldo Emerson, along with today’s top performers from Super Bowl-winning football coaches to CEOs and celebrities-embraced the wisdom of the ancient Stoics? Because they realize that the most valuable wisdom is timeless and that philosophy is for living a better life, not a classroom exercise.
The Daily Stoic offers 366 days of Stoic insights and exercises, featuring all-new translations from the Emperor Marcus Aurelius, the playwright Seneca, or slave-turned-philosopher Epictetus, as well as lesser-known luminaries like Zeno, Cleanthes, and Musonius Rufus. Every day of the year you’ll find one of their pithy, powerful quotations, as well as historical anecdotes, provocative commentary, and a helpful glossary of Greek terms.
By following these teachings over the course of a year (and, indeed, for years to come) you’ll find the serenity, self-knowledge, and resilience you need to live well.
The Daily Stoic Journal
For more than two thousand years, Stoic philosophy has been the secret operating system of wise leaders, artists, athletes, brilliant thinkers, and ordinary citizens. With the acclaimed, bestselling books The Obstacle Is the Way, Ego Is the Enemy and The Daily Stoic, Ryan Holiday and Stephen Hanselman have helped to bring the Stoicism of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca, and Epictetus to hundreds of thousands of new readers all over the world.
Now Holiday and Hanselman are back with The Daily Stoic Journal, a beautifully designed hardcover journal that features space for morning and evening notes, along with advice for integrating this ancient philosophy into our 21st century lives. Each week readers will discover a specific powerful Stoic practice, explained and presented with related quotations to inspire deeper reflection and application, and each day they will answer a powerful question to help gauge their progress.
Created with a durable, Smyth-sewn binding and featuring a helpful introduction explaining the various Stoic tools of self-management, as well as resources for further reading, this is a lasting companion volume for people who already love The Daily Stoic and its popular daily emails and social media accounts. It can also be used as a stand-alone journal, even if you haven’t read the previous books.
For anyone seeking inner peace, clarity, and effectiveness in our crazy world, this book will help them immensely for the next year-and for the rest of their lives.
Episode Transcriptions
Tyson: 00:15 You know, Goddamn millennials. Fucking Trump. Obama.
Ransom: 00:22 Obama, that…
Tyson: 00:23 Jesus.
Ransom: 00:24 You know what I hate most?
Tyson: 00:25 What?
Ransom: 00:26 People who complain a lot.
Tyson: 00:28 No Shit
Ransom: 00:30 I can’t stand complainer’s dude, I don’t get it man.
Tyson: 00:33 You know what I hate is the Goddamn slow ass wifi. You ever standing right next to a cell phone tower and be like, why is my phone so slow?
Ransom: 00:45 Or you ever try to send somebody like a picture like right next to you and like it’s got to go to a space and then come back and it’s like forever when you’re phones are just basically touching each other.
Tyson: 00:57 I ain’t, he ain’t got just some bullshit.
Ransom: 00:59 Yeah. I don’t know man. Just the lady the other day, man, she like didn’t give me soy milk in my lattes. I was like, oh
Tyson: 01:08 First of all that gross. Secondly, WTF? Well, anyway, Welcome to the Social Chameleon Show where are goal is to help you learn, grow and transform into the person you want to become. If you didn’t notice, if you didn’t realize it yet. Today we’re talking about complaining.
Ransom: 01:23 Oh yeah. Talking about complaining. I mean there’s just, there’s just something about it in general. Complaints are generally negative. They just have this negative energy and I’m not, I’m not really sure people always notice it. Um, but you know, have you ever walked into a room and like, there’s just like a bunch of people complaining about the same thing and all Billy Joel, oh my gosh, if he does this one more time, it’s this like one negative comment builds upon itself and like it was probably just started off with one person venting or talking about how angry or frustrated was and then like all of a sudden like it snowballs. It’s, his conversation is at the end of the world. It’s like, what happened? It’s so easy to just get stuck in that like just jumping in and whatever it is. As humans we just like negative shit.
Tyson: 02:16 We just spent an hour complaining. It’s Kinda true. It’s like, it’s like a matrix. Yeah. Mr. Anderson, the matrix was originally designed without flaws, but IAN’s rejected it. How do we do this? Walking about, I ain’t do shit. But yeah, I just, yeah, I dunno. I guess I just, I hear it. I’ve seen it a lot at my other jobs, I’m actually, most of the jobs I’ve had and I just, the other day I was at the grocery store and like I heard the bag lady and the clerk like complaining about one of their coworkers. It’s like, you’re doing this and I’m right in front of you complaining about your coworker. Then I’m right here. Like my goodness, millennials fall, you know, lack of free. We’ll get on that subject.
Ransom: 03:16 But anyway, so 45
Tyson: 03:21 I don’t know about that book though. You might not want to read it. That’s just my opinion. So anyway, for this episode I went on and I was actually just googling I guess the 10 top complaints and came across this interesting article. He said, thought it was interesting, um, and just popped up 16 and I was like, I don’t need 10 16 sounds cool. But 16 things that people complain about way too often. And this is from a thought catalog. We’ll, we’ll, we’ll put, we’ll post the link up at the bottom of the show notes or whatever. If you in those to read the full article, please do so. But um, you know, we got some, we got something on this list here and I said, number one you’re talking about, you said at the beginning of the episode like people complaining about slow but free Wifi, like, you know, just kind of shows you how far we’ve come,
Ransom: 04:15 I guess. Every time we raise our standards and it plays it again and again. I mean, I do that too. I’ll be sitting at home working on like, why is this taking so long to upload? I’m like, oh, let’s do a speed test. I’m like, what does this 300 megs down? Like I paid like, seriously, I’d be like, this is now slow to me. It’s just funny.
Tyson: 04:38 Yeah. But I remember like we, we didn’t even have Internet back into, we had a modem, we had dialogue.
Ransom: 04:44 Oh yeah. I remember when I got, I got my first computer. Uh, I built it, I got to the 52 k modem. My Dad was so mad. He had a 14 he’s like, and I log on and I’m like, oh my God, look page load. So fast bumping countries wouldn’t accept that nowadays,
Tyson: 05:07 you know, it’s just, it’s just like you know the Wifi is free. Like if you’re here because the Wifi is free, of course it’s going to be slow.
Ransom: 05:17 Some generous person launched a satellite and the space on your behalf, you’re welcome. Still wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for you. $7 billion satellite orbiting the orbiting the earth in some magical fricking thing of science.
Tyson: 05:32 It’s like, or if you’re at that Starbucks maybe she’ll just buy more coffee. They might have. Very good. Who else? Yeah. What are some of the funny ones on here? 40 hour jobs. That’s hilarious. Like how lucky you are through Friday nine to five the travesty, I can’t work that fifth day event. I guess there’s somebody myself who works 12 hour shifts and often night shifts with a rotating schedule. Sometimes I started to, sometimes I start at six, sometimes I started at 10 or four or eight or 10 or 12 hours. Like my schedule is all over the place. Like I dunno, I just, this is more, this is where we’ve come to, yes. Sorry. You don’t have to plow the fields. So you guys have a bowl of corn for dinner. Oh, I laugh at people and it’s like I think whatever it was at least at least six months if not longer.
Tyson: 06:38 Like I can’t confirm. I work 12 hour shifts, seven days a week. At least six months. I want to say it’s close to like a year. Like the first day off. I remember having was Thanksgiving Day and it’s just funny. I laugh and I’m like, uh, if you only knew what you can endure, like not bad. Yeah. What are the other funny ones that this list have typos and grammar is, boy, I get a lot of the other end of those complaints as like posting everything right. It’s like, no, that’s the wrong your well your welcome.
Tyson: 07:16 All right buddy. I appreciate the feedback. Complaining necessary. Hey dumb fuck. Like don’t you know how to use spellcheck as I know it’s spelled correctly, it’s just not used correctly. It’s a grammatical error. I have no invested to help me. Yeah. But at the same time, like you know, you have so many things you’ve got to get out there and tight that just sit there and correct every single thing. Funny thing I I see of, to me, I’m reading it and it’s correct and then I’ll come back to him and say here and be like, where did that ever come from? I read it five times correctly. Just so close to it, you know? Yeah, right, right, right, right, right. It’s not always fall, so everybody’s favorite day of the week. Mondays you ever had somebody tell him I got a case of the Mondays. I’ve never actually heard that. That’s your office space. That’s funny. Do you come to work and you don’t have enough flare and your boss gets on you seeing it over there? He’s got, he’s got 50 pieces of flair. You only have 20 lacking, lacking. God forbid though. You woke up in the morning. Oh Man.
Tyson: 08:42 You know, there are times I guess, cause I work in the healthcare field that I am grateful to actually wake up in the morning. Yeah. I think I’ve talked about it here a few times. I googled that. It’s like in America, so I’m like
Ransom: 08:55 3000 people are asking me to die every, every day. Like they didn’t ever wake up in the morning like that. This is in America like in America. Yeah. Well then mention the other other things, but it’s just, and it’s just the not waking up death. Not all the other causes of death. Like for whatever reason they died in their sleep. Yeah, of course. It’s like crazy and it’s just like you were saying earlier like how these things we just easily take for granted. It’s so funny we complain about it and it’s like, oh your upper first world problems. Like it’s hard to detach from that and think about it. Like that’s like the world’s worst argument. That straw man. All right, well there’s, you know, you just bought an $18 million Bugatti. There’s children die in Africa like that. That’s a horrible
Tyson: 09:41 argumently. I mean it is, but at the same time, like I, I hope the people that are complaining about this stuff are, or at least grateful for something you gotta you gotta wonder can, I guess that’s kind of why I guess I wanted to do this episode and talk about it a little bit. It’s just like, I mean I get it, not everybody can go. I mean we’re all human. Nobody can go an entire lifetime without complaining about a singer, you know, life. But at the same time like just want to bring awareness then like there’s these things that we’re talking about, like these complaints, these are just general complaints that we have, but you know, they have a negative influence. They have a negative impact on people. And like you said, humans are drawn to that. So, you know, it’s just Kinda one thing leads to another and it’s just like, you know, these things that we’re talking about, you know, things that people are complaining about eight most of the time, granted there are a few times, especially if you’re working for somebody else or for a company and the arts, even in the military, a hair bow all the time, you’re in the military, you got a crappy see like, yeah, like you got a lot of things to complain about because there’s nothing you can do, especially if in the military that’s, that’s your CEO, that’s who your CEO is going to be for the next however long your station there or however long that person’s station there, they ain’t jacket squat.
Tyson: 11:12 You can do about it. I mean, you’re in a world of hurt if you crossed that person because they can easily ruin your career. Yeah. There, yes.
Ransom: 11:19 Especially the military. It’s so easy to, uh, you know, inflated report or complete whatever. And the next thing you know, you’re sitting in front of some disciplinary commission and they’re like, oh, you’re so you’re saying he’s lying. It’s like, it’s so hard to, unfortunately, you know, that’s the problem. It’s like you have to prove your innocence, you know what I mean? You know, it’s, it’s so, it’s so hard. It’s like, you know, you’re suppose to prove me guilty, not me prove myself innocent. Like this is wrong, wrong way around, but it’s just what kind of happens and it’s tough. It’s going to be light hearted about this stuff. And this probably sounds like stupid and funny, like, but I guarantee you like these things we’ve joked about in the beginning of this, like you’ve done probably a day or if not within the week. Yeah. And we’re, we’re poking fun and were making fun.
Ransom: 12:07 And these are complaints. I know I’ve, I’ve said, and you know, internally I do get pissed off on my Wifi all the time and it’s just, and I just laughed. But you know something that happens and it’s funny and it sounds stupid when we’re saying it, but you’re saying it and this is what you are sounding like and this is what you’re doing and you’re creating this feedback loop like grandson was saying and then you’re walking in and you’re now, you’re now you’re going to work because God forbid you sat in traffic in your car because he had to wake up, right, right. And then you get to work and you’re like already pissed off it. All of these things, you have zero control over. Like you can’t control the traffic. You can’t control this stuff. You can only control what you’re doing in that moment.
Ransom: 12:46 And then you walk into the office and it’s like, you know Sally’s, she’s chipper. Oh good morning. How are you not shut the fuck up. You know what I just got go through to get here? And it’s like, and it’s not as thick. Well, I was in a good mood until now and, and now everybody in your office just, that just snowballs through. Right? And then, and then everybody’s had some shitty jet day because of one negative person. And I know we’ve all experienced that. We’re having a good day and whatever it comes around and you’re like, know what? And you get, everybody gets stuck in that and just jumping on the bandwagon and it’s tough. But we, like rugrats was saying, we can be aware of this, we can bring this up and recognize like, am I really complaining about this is a stupid
Tyson: 13:30 yeah. And again, it’s, it’s okay to get stuff off your chest. You try and event, um, you know, you just gotta be mindful of that trap, you know? And then the horrible thing about negative negativity and complaining is like, you, you can’t kill evil with evil. Right. It’s just, it’s just you’re going to complain about somebody else complaining. Like that just kind of repeats the process. And the only way to actually get rid of the negativity of complaining is to go onto something that’s positive. Yeah. And it’s, I dunno, I mean, uh, I think task tasting, you’re talking about the other day, it’s like when you’re stuck in that negative place and you have all this, you know, all your mind is going to think about as the next complaint that comes in versus a solution or versus something that’s actually going to change your state of mind or something that can actually help you.
Tyson: 14:26 You’re focused, you know, you are not out focused on all of these negative things. And it started with something as simple as, oh, it’s Monday. Or you know, like I was joking around, Oh that lady put put milk in my coffee instead of soy. It’s like, all right, okay, things happen. People are human. Like, yeah, this is, this is the world that we live in. And you have to deal with that human element. Just, you know, I just want people to be aware, like, don’t let that drag you down. Don’t, don’t let other people’s negativity. You walk in a room, you hear a lot of people complaining, like, don’t let that negativity get up in here and start messing with you. And now, now you’re thinking about everything that’s negative, but you could start that. You know, I just want to bring awareness to that.
Ransom: 15:10 Yeah, and that that’s, that’s the thing that I really want to emphasize is when you’re in that negative feedback loop, you’re mind is just shut down to any, any complaints in interview really even get in your head a lot. You can will yourself into this like fight or flight response where we’re all types of things are happening. You start to get stressed out, your, your immune system starts shutting down to all these different, you know, physiological things start to happen and you can really create this negative, not only mental state, this negative health state for yourself and your, you can just really get stuck in this, this, this, this sickness. This is all these. Everything’s like, oh, because of stress at work, I am now fat and now because I’m now, I’m now, I’m now, I’ve got high blood pressure, I’ve got heart disease and diabetes and all these things that can ensue from all of this stuff.
Ransom: 15:56 And when you learn to recognize it, like you heard me joking in the beginning, you probably think we’re stupid and funny and as those things are, you know you guys are so fussy and stuff and it’s like, but these are real things. I know we’ve all heard it. We’ve all said and who they are to ourselves and others. I didn’t, I didn’t come up with this list. This was an article, right? This is the things that we, yeah, we just Google it real quick that like, oh, what’s happening now? What are people complaining about him? Boom, here’s the, there’s people make lists of this shit that’s like crazy. I seen another let’s the other day of, of eight books to read to keep yourself angry. Why? Why would you want a, why would you want that list? Why would you make that list? But things like I was saying, we like this stuff. We’d like seeing this tragic just train wrecks happening in front of us and sometimes some people like it happening to them and they’d like to keep themselves in this stressed state. They feel that’s where they’re comfortable when they live because they’ve lived there so long that
Tyson: 16:52 more than a negative feedback loop in itself. That’s just kind of like when people create an expectation of what something is and this can be your own personal image as to who you are. Like you relate, you bring out that aura of suffering you bring out like it’s like, oh ransom. He’s that guy. Like this persona for yourself of what you have to be. And if you’re not aware of just small little thing, it’s like complaining and like you said, conspiring to bigger things and now all of a sudden you are this negative person. You are the negative force and you’ve been this person for so long, you don’t know how to be anything else because as humans we have habitual behavior. So this isn’t a feedback loop anymore. This is actually who you really are. Just kind of stare.
Ransom: 17:43 Yeah. You start to become this person that this is who I am, this is where I thrive, this is, and, and again it just comes out to in your head, these are all the things you know in your head that girls were joking around earlier and uh, about it. And it’s like a, I heard this thing, it’s like, yeah, I ran some, I know I know about this, but what about the real world? What about all these things in my head? All these stories, they’re not true. And that’d be something in reality. But what about those? What about the real world? And it’s funny and we can joke about it and make it talk about it, but this is what happens. We get in our head and it’s so easy to get trapped in there. And if you don’t have techniques so you don’t have an ability to recognize these things, it’s very easy to just go down and stay there and become this person and then identify as I’m this kind of person. Like, like a job. You know, think about when you, when you meet New People in your head, the thing is like the thing that we identify with like, Oh, what do you do? That’s your identifying thing. Like, you know, I, I thrive on 16 hour workdays and constant stress and constantly emails my eye every thing and thing I’ve got to respond to and I’m not personally identify as that and I own that. And you continue to fight for these limitations. You continue to fight for these things. Yes. What you got to keep them.
Tyson: 18:57 Yeah. Limitations. Not Everybody sees it is that, you know, exactly it is their strength, but nationality, it can actually be limitation.
Ransom: 19:06 Yeah. Right. It’s not your strength or not. And I mean at first you know, this fire, this anger, it gets you success, it gets you this thing, but there’s no sustainability there. You’ve got to constantly be angering, constantly stressed to perform.
Tyson: 19:22 Yeah. And that’s Kinda, I guess that Kinda, I dunno, I always like going back to the Avatar show. But anyway, it’s a good show. It’s by Nickelodeon. It’s a cartoon. It’s called the Avatar. The last airbender lot of people, you’ve probably seen it, but there’s a, there’s a point when Ang who is the Avatar has to learn buyer bending. One of his teachers at the time is um, Sukkot is one of the characters there and probably giving all spoilers if you wash it beginning. But anyway, um, Zuko is going through his own thing and it’s interesting because at the time that [inaudible] was trying to teach ang how to fire Ben Newco, all boys did fire burning with rage. He was always angry at his father. He’s always angry at the things in his life and that’s what fueled his fire per se, right. For fire bending.
Tyson: 20:12 And now all of a sudden when he’s switching sides or whatever the case might be, like he doesn’t have the Sanger anymore cause he’s at peace. He knows what’s right, he knows the right thing to do. So like his firefighting skills are kind of weak. Like it’s interesting. It’s like what happened? They’re like he lost that race, he lost that fire. And then it just, this conversation here just kind of brings it back. Like he had to go through that process and through that process he was able to teach another person how to fire ban by not using rage, which is kind of an interesting,
Ransom: 20:45 what a good little lesson for them that have times he’s these fictional books shows. I think they have these hidden little messages in jams
Tyson: 20:53 do. They definitely do, but you know, and just kind of going up on their light and transitioning to, you know, we talked about so much negative things in the first half of this episode is like this is a part where we can be that positive light. Like it’s okay to vent. It’s okay to complain about things and just let go. You know, hopefully you have friends or can surround yourself with people who are, will be that sounding board and just basically listened to what you have to hear and still remain positive instead of turning around and be like, oh well that’s what you heard. Well let me tell you what I heard. Like I know want to try to limit that. Be Mindful of that trap. Like you’re trying to get this negativity off of you in a way from you. So just make sure you’re around people and or things that, you know, we’ll take that energy and just let it be so then you can mean in a positive we getting this negative energy away from you and now you can remain positive. Yeah.
Ransom: 21:53 Yeah. And, and, and I like to add to that and the fact that not just the physical people you’re around also think about the, the social media and these types of things. You’re also cultivating the people you follow on whatever it be, Instagram, Twitter, whatever. You use these things, you follow up your following people that are doing these things or, or, or acting as kind of way if your, if your, if your friends or family, whatever, constantly complaining about this and another, those are people you’re hanging around with it. These are things you’re interacting with. These are things you’re seeing. You’ve got to cultivate that. You’ve got to protect that just the same as you would protect the people that you want to surround yourself with in real life as well. So make sure you go through, maybe you want to still follow your aunt or your uncle or whatever, but mute them or unfollow them in a way that you’re still connected. You can sort of reach and reach out to them and see what’s happening or whatever, but you’re not seeing them constantly in your face, bring you back into that state, especially if you’re susceptible to jumping on that bandwagon and jumping on the complaint train and all these different things.
Tyson: 22:50 So then I think you were telling me about some APP or something.
Ransom: 22:53 Yeah, yeah. As well as doing research for this thing. I came across this amazing app. I’ll link to it. I was vetting our earlier and I really enjoyed it. It’s called a wool bought. It’s an a hundred percent AI powered apps. So they’ve programmed it with a cognitive behavioral therapy techniques and no humans are involved. It’s all of this like closed loop secure platform. There’s no identifying anything. They don’t know who you are or, or anything like that. And they can’t track back the conversations. Um, they really been in a lot of things. But what it does when I was reading through it, it asks you how are you feeling? What are you feeling like right now? You know, and if there’s a crisis you, you can type in Sos and immediately connected with uh, another other crisis center. Um, but it goes through and it starts to learn, you know, what you’ve been feeling like frustrated or mad or sad or whatever.
Ransom: 23:41 And a few days in a row, let’s talk about this. And as I kind of went through the initial setup process, the, the, any here that, the tools that I unlocked, I really enjoy it like this. It’s a free APP is nothing I’ve seen the by or, or upgrade. But the first tools you unlock is a gratitude journal. What you, if you haven’t done that, it’s amazing. I have a pdf, I’ll link that in the show notes so you guys can do this. A 10, the 10 lines, you can do it in the morning for gratitude is really amazing. Uh, there’s a challenge or negativity, challenge, stress and then being mindful. These are the first tools. Ivan, Ivan locked in this app checks in with you every day, and it, it starts to learn who you are and the different things that you need help with. Like, I see you’ve been x, let’s try some things is a really good app.
Ransom: 24:25 And I think especially in this, this, you know, it’s sometimes it’s hard to share with, with your friends. Maybe you don’t have a close friend or maybe you’re ashamed or whatever. Shang this stuff with this bot where you’re not a bothering somebody necessarily or, or being that negative person and they’re like, they’re just doing this with a chat bot. You can text it and get comfortable. Um, I think this would really be good for teenagers, even though the APP does say you gotta be 18. I think, you know, as a parent, as a parent, figure that out. It’s up to you. But I think this is a way where maybe it’s hard for you to connect with a friend or a team or the people you have around you that they just tend to be that you’re trying to dish off this negative energy, but they just give it right back to you and complained.
Ransom: 25:08 This is just a simple way like it’s just you in this out and there’s no real human involvement to go through that. You know? We have no affiliation with that, but something I found doing research for this episode, again, I don’t have any affiliation to the article I found, like I said, I just googled it and I went for 10 things and it should 16 and I was like, oh, let’s check this out and see how it goes and it’s kind of how it goes. I will link to this APP. There’s an Ios and android version. I would encourage if something you’re struggling with or you want to learn more about techniques and stuff and different things to handle this stuff in your life. So far it’s been a really, really an interesting APP. I really enjoy what they’re doing. And I think it’s an amazing direction and I kind of wish I made it.
Ransom: 25:48 Yeah, I know, right? But he’s getting back to the whole good thing and how we’re trying to get off positive vibrations. So again, get things off your chest, find a person place or an APP that you can talk to that will just be a sounding board to stay positive. And again, you know, as humans we are drawn to this negativity. So sometimes when you have complaints about things or sometimes when a situation doesn’t go exactly the way you, it makes for a good story, you know, so you can kind of use your complaining or use that negative energy as part of the drama in your story, you know? But at the end of the drama, like make that story have a happy ending. Like, again, this is all about turning it, like use that into draw something and then come up with a funny joke or a punchline or come up with something that has like an amazing ending or you know, something that will, a little positive might versus just all the negative negative and then your story has a horrible ending.
Ransom: 26:48 Like just, just think about that when you go to the movies, right? Like it’s, it’s like you’re going to go through all this drama, but at the end the hero comes out okay. Or the person in that story overcomes this thing. Like nobody wants to watch a movie where you have all this drama and then the person dies at the end. It’s like, you just wasted two hours of my life. I can’t get that back. Yeah. There’s a thing and it seemed to leave if you guys ever went back swan or whatever, he has a thing called the narrative fallacy where we link these different things together, your stories together, and we create this, this narrative around stuff. And maybe they’re unrelated or not, but you set the pieces together in your brain. You start to make up this thing, you gotta be aware of that.
Ransom: 27:28 Like you know, the causation and correlation or not. They’re not necessarily linked together. You’ve got to understand these things, you know, may look like they, they, they’re all causation, but there’s no correlation between them. You got to understand and watch this narrative you’re building within your head and trying to link, you know, I got into a car accident six years ago, which is why the I might job sucks now and they’re not related at all. But you’ve linked the story together. You should be careful about that and learn these techniques, learned different things of recognizing. I think meditation is a great way to start to recognize some of these things are doing and catching yourself in this thing. Oh wait, what am I doing right now? Hold on. This is my free talking or is it just the mosquitoes freewill? We will anyway. But yeah, no, and that’s good.
Ransom: 28:18 And you know, another positive thing about this, if you find yourself complaining about a person, maybe say complaining about your job too much. Like if you’re just complaining about the same thing, just kind of take note of that and be like, you know, I was complaining about this yesterday. It’s like, in fact now that I think about it, I’ve been complaining about this for three months now. Like maybe you should take that as a sign. Like it’s time to leave. Like I always like complaining if it builds for enough frustration and anger that commits to action. Like I love that. Like you build that fire up and like, you know what, I’ve been complaining about this for far too long. Today’s the last straw. You know what I mean? It’s time to leave. I’m, I’m a, I’m a take action and I’m going to do something about it like I, and to take action.
Ransom: 29:09 If you guys haven’t seen the episode or read the book, whatever the four tendencies, I think it was episode 10 or 11 and it talks about, you know, maybe you’re in some type of rebellious state, like most people are obligers, you’re probably in some sort of a blind, your rebellion. That’s something you might want to look into and getting frustrated with. Things at work then maybe never bothered you before and you love being there and suddenly you don’t want to be there anymore. You don’t. You may be in September of, of rebellious state within your mind, investigate that. Like ransom was saying, you’re like, oh man, like I used to love coming here. Like, why do I hate it? All of a sudden there’s an underlying something, whatever it is, whether it’s at work, whether that’s at home, maybe you’re having whatever, identify that and you can start to come up with solutions. Uh, whatever. Would it be therapy, whether it be me need to go work on a nice walk or something that you need to do to recalibrate and figure out what is this you’re stuck in.
Tyson: 30:01 Yeah. Yeah. And that’s, you know, and all of these things are just kind of ways that we can try to deal with the negativity that’s going on around us. It doesn’t necessarily have to be the complaint itself or the person complaining or the person or thing that’s being complained about. Just kind of recognizing all these negative things and complaining about the situation just doesn’t necessarily make anything better.
Ransom: 30:27 Yeah. It almost never does. I’m sure it was an incident that nobody could really point to that the complaint actually solved anything.
Tyson: 30:36 Yeah. I mean, again, it’s good if it draws in our fire enough attention to get people to move and take action. Um, but then again, that, that all comes to you or you’ve got to look inward, right? You got to stop looking at the things that you can’t change. Right. You know, this thing we’re complaining about, we can’t do Jack Squat about it. Like we talked about the military person, whether officer’s socks. Like there’s nothing you can do about it, right. You know, you have to look inward and look at the things that you can change. So, you know, for the person that’s in that situation where you got a crappy boss, it’s like, how can I be a better person? How can I be a better employee? How can I take this to another level? You know? And by doing that, that’s going to make me more marketable. I can get another job or maybe I can take my manager’s job or you know, there’s so many possible things that you can do and if you sit there and just complaining about it, you’re using your brain power towards something else other than something that should make you happy. You know?
Ransom: 31:35 And that’s the thing too. I, I really liked it. I learned a few years ago about identifying what is in your control and what is out of your control. You know, and, and sometimes you can influence things that are out of your control, but recognize that like this is something I can influence but I cannot control your behavior, your whatever, this person, that thing. And just focusing on what is in your control, what you can control and saying, listen, I can control how I’m acting, how I’m responding, how I conduct myself, what am I doing? I got to understand I can’t control this. Other people, I can influence them by leading by example. Maybe offering solutions, whatever it is, go down this thing and understand I can’t control this, but maybe I can influence it. If anything, I can be the person I can hold myself to these high standards and understand everybody around me is this.
Ransom: 32:24 They’re going to be dumb people. There’s going to be rude people, there’s going to be mistakes, there’s going to be all these things. Understanding that I can’t control that. Uh, the Breesa put, you know, cream in my thing when I asked for almond milk, like I understand I don’t control over, but I can say, hey, I don’t even get mad about this is no, you don’t pissed off complain. It’s not going to solve anything. Like, Oh hey, I’m sorry I asked for almond milk. I think you put cream in here. Can we swap that out real quick? You know, you know, whatever. It’s simple things like that. Understanding what you can and can’t control. I think when you get a hold of that and you know, you start to understand that it really, it really brings us news perspective. Like no pointing planning about this because I can’t control it, but I can influence it through my actions, my behavior, so on and so forth.
Tyson: 33:09 Can you just, you know, you just got to again be mindful, be wary and if you’re trying to be the solution, I guess talking about a whole group of people being negative about us, um, you know there are times when you can be the solution. You know there are times when you can actually offer light or maybe guide the conversation towards something else in a positive light and just kind of shift that whole, if you have the ability and the power to kind of shift that whole group’s mindset from something that’s negative to something that’s positive. Like you’ve just changed four or five people’s lives, like at least for the day or for that hour and that’s a good thing, you know. But at the same time just kind of be careful cause you know, you don’t want to be that guy. There’s red. So I’m again Mr positive necessarily not at all. Dot. I that I then all of a sudden you become the person everybody complains about because you don’t want to be part of their negativity. Like just just be mindful of that, you know,
Ransom: 34:13 find the tactic and strategies and ways of stuff. A few things. I was trying to think of, you know, going to go through some of these things where you can be that person like ransom. I’m saying without being that person you want to be that person. It’s hard because I’m sure we’ve all been around that guy and I, oh here we go again. That goes to Tyson with solutions to shit motherfucking solutions. We want to complain and it’s hard because once you, once you kind of cut people off to that, they’re not going to hear anything you’re saying
Tyson: 34:43 knocking to take it in humane person or whatever. But at the same time you actually have to look at these people to see like are they actually looking for a solution or are they just looking for validation for them to be in their own native world and realize that if that person is just looking for validation on whatever it is they’re trying to convey and convince everybody that they’re right, like sometimes the best thing is to just say nothing. Agree to disagree. And you know, do it tactfully and in a positive light and say, no thank you and just walk away. It’s hard. It is for you guys. Hold on a second. I want you to do x, y,
Ransom: 35:29 but if you just go through these things, I’m telling you, it’s gonna solve all our problems. It’s so hard. I, I noticed myself maybe the past six, eight months just being, I could just shut up right now. And it’s like, so at first I was so hard and then I just, now it’s become so easy to display, get it. I’m sure I was like that or, or you’re not in a position right now to want to learn or look for anything and it’s just like cool to just listen and walk away or just be quiet. There’s a good quote. I, I forget exactly how it goes into the attribution, but you know, uh, is this, uh, is this information that, that, you know, if I said something, it was worthwhile versus it, is this a time I should just shut up? You know, and knowing that and learning that and like, that’s like, do I need to say anything right now?
Ransom: 36:17 Is it going to add anything to this? Is it going to, no, fuck, I don’t need to solve it. I don’t need to talk. That’s cool. It’s so hard call for for me. You don’t notice. I like to talk. We should probably wait. I would have a pot, but it’s tough. It’s tough to just shut up and be that person. And you know, uh, was it episode 20, we did the Wayne Dyer and just send that positive love and energy to them and everything and it brings you into that when your net gratitude state, you can’t stay mad. You can’t be both at the same time.
Ransom: 36:48 Bring, bring that in, bring that love and that, you know, understanding like I was saying earlier, you’re just dumb. You’re just, you just don’t know any better. You just are going to be that whatever and just understand that this is just how they are right now or how they’re going to be cool. You know? It’s like there’s, there’s solutions and there’s things, but they’re just stuck right there in that negative mind frame. They can’t see anything else but complaints and negativity, they’re not ready for the solution. They’re not looking for the solution even though they need one, unfortunately. Yeah. Right. Yeah. And you can be hold yourself to those higher standards and be the guiding light. You know, I was like, damn is always doing this little, we maybe we could something to, you know, whatever you like, you know. Um, I artist, great story.
Ransom: 37:36 His guy was tired of all the rubbish on his walking. He started picking it up and next thing you know, he sees all these other people that walked this path also picking up rubbish. And then he talked to them and say, what’s that? He’s like, I see you and your son always putting it up. And I was like, fire. Are we doing that too? We’re tired of this rubbish around too, but we can do something and just not even saying nothing to nobody. Just acting, being a better person inspired his neighbors to do the same. And this is what we can do. These, like I said, are in your control. You don’t like the dog shit around when you’re, when you’re walking your dog. I do this all the time. I see a pile of this close to my dog shit. I’m like, I just pick it up and I hope to inspire the next person that sees me doing that to say, I should probably pick up my dog shit or I could do that too.
Ransom: 38:17 I can pick up an extra pilot. There’s room in the bag. Not a big deal, you know, but these are the things you can control. You can be within your neighborhood, your community, your friends, and start that change there. If you want to go grander, that’s fine, but it needs to start with you and the things you’re doing, the people that you’re influencing, you’re guiding your enlightening whatever it is in this, in this framework to invoke the change and stop the bullshit and the complaining and so on and so many other of these types of things do. Cool. I think that’s about it for me, man. You got anything else? No, not at all. To me, the message here is understand what’s in your control and out of your control and hold yourself to a high standard and inspire everybody around you to do the same.
Ransom: 39:05 Oh man, if you’re looking to raise your maybe standard of health, we got an amazing giveaway for March. Uh, the wonderful people at Doctor Fitness USA. Uh, there the past two episodes Battista and um, Dr Fitness USA himself, uh, they are generous enough to offer one of their courses for free to one lucky person. It’s the eating healthy plus. They have a gut, a blasting program as well as a bonus with that. So it’s $197 value. Um, is a really great program, give you some tips and things, uh, enlighten you on eating healthy and is also a little nice little, a gut busting workout and stuff that’s include as a bonus with that. You guys are interested in this, you know, somebody at over to the social community in show slash pick me. Get into this month’s giveaway. It’s march. We sat to finding a time and you want that summer bod.
Ransom: 40:02 You want to be healthier, you want to reinvigorate your news resolutions that you’ve already quit. Like this is an opportunity for these people are amazingly generous. You’re often is $200 program for free to one lucky person. Be that person. And if you’re not able, you know, you don’t want to take your chances. Um, the link is, is it going to be there? Well you can just go ahead, head over and you can just get your hands on it. Now, like I said, so she can be in.show/pick me and I can get into to win at this month’s giveaway. Um, some links in books and stuff that we’ve kind of come up with to help you along this way. Like we talked about, we’ll link to the article, identify these things and stop. It’s fucking hard op dark dude. If you can just hit 16 days, hey, it takes 16 weeks.
Ransom: 40:51 I’m not going to do number one anymore. I’m not gonna complain about free privileged wifi connectivity. Yeah. Next one. I’m not going to complain that I have a car and I can sit in the in and out burger drive through and pay for ridiculously overpriced, delicious hamburger. It’s okay. Like, and just start, even if it takes you 16 weeks, you imagine a person you’re going to be come the holidays and at night. I don’t complain about none of that Shit. No more like, you know, you’re going to, it’s going to level up like these little things all day long. If you want to talk to somebody and you don’t want to bother your friends are your friends are tired of hearing your shit or maybe you just want to feel safe and secure way, we’ll link to that wool Bot that you can talk with.
Ransom: 41:30 It’s like I said, it’s free as far as I’ve seen. Um, also another way, especially if you’re a leader or your want to be a leader in a leadership position, uh, extreme ownership. And then the follow up to that dichotomy of leadership. I think there are great books on taking that ownership of these things. Taking control of what you can and can’t control. Understanding what you can and cannot influence. Being able to detach and look at situations and step back and a lot of these different techniques, uh, Jocko Willink and Leif Babin, former navy seal commander and team members wrote these books. I think they’re pretty good. I learned a lot of great techniques and things that have helped me through the reading, stoic philosophy, um, and and also through the daily Stoic and the data sort of journal, uh, also, uh, through meditation and I really liked them waking up app. I’m also a headspace and calm are great apps to help you meditate in a way and be able to recognize these different things. I’ll link to all of these things. I think they’re great resources. Start with one, two and add these into your life and you’re really going to see the change. Yeah. Anything else ransom that I think we kind of knocked all those resources.
Ransom: 42:39 I think we’re, we’re good Matt. And then this week’s challenge, stop your fucking complaining. One t four hours. That’s it. Just two 24 hours. You’re going to sleep for six to eight of those tried stu at one time one time. I guarantee you your quality of life will improve dramatically and you will start to recognize like all the dumb shit you’re complaining about. Give it 24 hours. Yeah, definitely. And as final thoughts, you know as this be aware of your mindset behind your complaints, are they helping you? I think putting me into a negative state of mind continuously and stop letting the things in life you complain about, control your thoughts and your actions. Resist, resist that instinctive reflex. It just complain about something and in turn try to find a better solution. You have control of your life and we say, hey, we’re not perfect ransom.
Ransom: 43:46 We’re, we’re kind of constantly try not to complain and recognize these things and if you know others hiding this and or complaining, share this with them. We really hope this can help this. The best way to support the show is liking it, sharing it, allowing it to get out there and reach more people, and leaving a review also helps bring us up into the, the, the recommendations in between shows. You can connect with us on our complaint, free social media accounts at the social community show on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. If you’d like, you can subscribe on Youtube for the video version. Also in your favorite podcast app, prepass episodes and links. Everything we’ve talked about here today. You visit the social community.show and until next time, stop the complaining. Look for solutions and keep learning and growing and transforming to that complaint. Free Person. You want to become.